It is Saturday. I should have the entire day to romp about the backyard, sniff the amazing scents wafting in the breeze as I lie atop the picnic table and bark at Fred and Ethel, the squirrels living in our oak trees.
The key word is should. Until 5:30 my day was complete. It has been rather hot so I have enjoyed loafing about, sliming Mom while she napped on the sofa, and being generally lazy. Then Mom got the bright idea I needed a bath.
Dad told her he holds me under the hose once a month and takes me for a walk after. This method works for us and I am down with it. Literally down with it as he holds me by my lead down under the water.
Mom decided I had a lot of loose hair that needed to be removed and was in need of shampooing so she bought some doggie shampoo at the store this morning. These are the times I wish I lived in the country with Abby. I do not think Jared would make her suffer the indignity of a lavender scented bubble bath. He is more manly that that.
Ahem, well, it was not a bubble bath, but it was Organic Lavender Shampoo for Puppies. I could care less what kind of shampoo it was. Soap is soap and I want no part of being lathered up like a cowboy after a long cattle drive. My name may sound like flowers but I like to smell natural. After all, I am truly the definition of Organic, not some manufactured shampoo that makes natural smelling puppies smell like perfumed French nobles in XVIIth century France .
First she lured me to the hose in the backyard with honey words and cow-eyes but as soon as I saw the water coming from the end of that snake-like watering contraption I knew Mom was up to no good. Garden hoses are only good for filling my watering trough (Yes, I said trough because I need lots of fresh water to maintain my healthy coat and skin.) and Dad holing me by my lead in order to splash me with tepid water.
When the demon who was inhabiting the body of my loving mother saw that was not working she lured me into the house. Once more her voice was full of sweet words of love and kindness. The she-devil enticed me into the bathroom by telling me what a pretty baby I was then closed the door and lifted me into the air. I was terrified she would drop all 90 pounds of me but instead gently but firmly placed me squarely into the tub.
I admit she-who-was-not-my-Mom did spray me once with the tepid water but I bravely leapt from the awful trap to the door. The ill-butt devil deftly scooped me back into her arms and dragged me to the tub whereupon I flung all four paws outward until they touched the tub’s rim. Try as she might the fiend who had ensnared my adoring Mom could not make me get back into the watery confinement.
Finally, spent and wet, she had no choice but to let me run like hell out the side door. I ran around the house until I came to the tall uncut grass beside the garage and rolled and shook until all traces of the smelly water was gone.
Jodie later conveyed to me that before the demon left Mom’s body it called Dad at work and told him she needed to be shown how to bathe me. Dad may be fooled but we are not. Jodie, Molly, and I all know Mom is a weenie with a soft heart. I will show my dad the demon and he will get Mom back so we can all have supper.
After all, what if demons do not know how to cook or make meals? We could all starve. That would be worse than a bath.
The key word is should. Until 5:30 my day was complete. It has been rather hot so I have enjoyed loafing about, sliming Mom while she napped on the sofa, and being generally lazy. Then Mom got the bright idea I needed a bath.
Dad told her he holds me under the hose once a month and takes me for a walk after. This method works for us and I am down with it. Literally down with it as he holds me by my lead down under the water.
Mom decided I had a lot of loose hair that needed to be removed and was in need of shampooing so she bought some doggie shampoo at the store this morning. These are the times I wish I lived in the country with Abby. I do not think Jared would make her suffer the indignity of a lavender scented bubble bath. He is more manly that that.
Ahem, well, it was not a bubble bath, but it was Organic Lavender Shampoo for Puppies. I could care less what kind of shampoo it was. Soap is soap and I want no part of being lathered up like a cowboy after a long cattle drive. My name may sound like flowers but I like to smell natural. After all, I am truly the definition of Organic, not some manufactured shampoo that makes natural smelling puppies smell like perfumed French nobles in XVIIth century France .
First she lured me to the hose in the backyard with honey words and cow-eyes but as soon as I saw the water coming from the end of that snake-like watering contraption I knew Mom was up to no good. Garden hoses are only good for filling my watering trough (Yes, I said trough because I need lots of fresh water to maintain my healthy coat and skin.) and Dad holing me by my lead in order to splash me with tepid water.
When the demon who was inhabiting the body of my loving mother saw that was not working she lured me into the house. Once more her voice was full of sweet words of love and kindness. The she-devil enticed me into the bathroom by telling me what a pretty baby I was then closed the door and lifted me into the air. I was terrified she would drop all 90 pounds of me but instead gently but firmly placed me squarely into the tub.
I admit she-who-was-not-my-Mom did spray me once with the tepid water but I bravely leapt from the awful trap to the door. The ill-butt devil deftly scooped me back into her arms and dragged me to the tub whereupon I flung all four paws outward until they touched the tub’s rim. Try as she might the fiend who had ensnared my adoring Mom could not make me get back into the watery confinement.
Finally, spent and wet, she had no choice but to let me run like hell out the side door. I ran around the house until I came to the tall uncut grass beside the garage and rolled and shook until all traces of the smelly water was gone.
Jodie later conveyed to me that before the demon left Mom’s body it called Dad at work and told him she needed to be shown how to bathe me. Dad may be fooled but we are not. Jodie, Molly, and I all know Mom is a weenie with a soft heart. I will show my dad the demon and he will get Mom back so we can all have supper.
After all, what if demons do not know how to cook or make meals? We could all starve. That would be worse than a bath.
Come here, come here, little dog.
Jump in the water like a frog.
Getting wet is no big deal
A little soap is all you’ll feel.
Come here, some here little dog.
Jump in the water like a frog.
Jump in the water like a frog.
Getting wet is no big deal
A little soap is all you’ll feel.
Come here, some here little dog.
Jump in the water like a frog.
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